He wasn't mine

She met him about a month ago. He was the hmm... so-called boyfriend of a friend. He's got violet hair; his eyes were green although she wanted them black. He was wearing a green shirt and a fatigue shorts although he can be naked with a violet wristband on his right arm, flaunting the perfect tattoo on his back. He was a graceful dancer, he was not-so-smart, but he was funny, he was a martyr, and he was mad about her.

Things have changed when their so-called relationship went into the rocks. Being the concerned friend that she was, she tried to help him patch things up with her since the girl was a paranoid, and a meanie at times --- she was insecure, she was frantically jealous about everything, when the fact that she was in another relationship, this girl was driving him nuts AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT IT. The poor boy, which was naive and confused, made her his most trusted adviser -- he kept the advices she gave him into that skinny brain that she never thought he could realize. He would always talk to her about his problems and eventually she became fond of him, she made sure that he was taken care of. She was so into him that she told him to go for someone else. And like it was planned, he started moving on.

Days passed by, there was an infinite space between the two of them -- they became inseparable, the very best of friends. But the meanie, who was so bitter (and still bitter) that time, was so jealous that she tried to tear them apart. But she finally came to realize why she can’t just leave him.

She didn’t notice she was falling for him.

She wanted him for herself.

And so she was blinded with the idea of having her as his better half to take care of him. She didn’t notice what came to her but she was so crazy about him that she told him the things he didn’t need to make him fall out for that person. She thought she was bad, yes – but she was so in love with this guy.

And if she could turn back the time; she’d hope this never happen again.

One day he asked her, “What if I tell you I love you, what are you gonna do?”

And if she could take back those words, she swore she’ll never say it again.

“Then, I’m gonna love you more.”

There was no formal agreement – it just happened! They were in love. They were perfect together. Every other day way more precious than the days that has passed. It was like a summer romance – you’ll never know what would happen when it ends.

Then the day that she never dreamed of came.

One night, they were chatting when he asked, “What if I’m still in love with my ex, what you would do?”

“I’ll be fine, as long as we’re together.”

“What if I asked for my freedom? What if I wanna break up with you, what’d you do?”

“Then I’ll do it myself, I’m leaving you.”

He sighed, “OK.” Then he left.

She was surprised. She followed him to tell him that she was just joking.

“I accepted it. It’s over.”

She was crying, “Why? Why are you leaving me? Is there something wrong?”

“Nah its me,” He paused, “Yes, I’m still in love with her.”

And she broke down.

She watched him as he left without turning his back. She was confused, she couldn’t utter a word. Why, she thought. Then she ran into her room and took her phone, and called him up. “I was happy being you’re best friend. Why’d you have to do this?”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t expect this to happen.” Then he hung up.

She was looking for answers but can’t find any. She cried the whole night thinking of the days they spent together, the love they shared, the memories they had. And they were thrown out of the window. She was thrown out of his life.

She felt so stupid for letting herself fall for his kind of guy. It was so bad but what else she could do? She was hopelessly in love and she was helpless because deep into the broken pieces of her heart she knew he’ll never be back feel the same. The pain was unbearable. So painful that she could feel nothing anymore.

Well, almost.

She is numb because she was blinded by her love for him. And it made her stupid, and stupid is the last thing in the world she wanted to be.

Yet she still loves him.

It was hopeless. Totally, heartbreakingly hopeless.

She’d likely call him ‘Mine’, but he was never hers all along.

Word press

I'm starting to envy my pussywagon friend and another friend whom considered himself a geek when I saw how this thingy goes. I've no idea how to change the f%&king HTML code of my blog and when I signed up to this website, I was like, "Woah, this is cool." So I've been thinking, maybe I can change my blog site again. Geez, all I need to do is to repost them. I'm damn sure, everybody wants it to be as sexy as that.

I love the templates. They were pretty amazing.

I'm just too lazy to do it now. Let's just wait and see.

Sabay ganun. *evil laugh

Bedroom

I'm bummed.

I'm so bummed that I can't think of the right words to say. For the past weeks, it was me and my lazy way of living. And now, it was a sweet and painful revenge. Like it would shred even the tiniest part of my body. I've never been this restless. I wasn't thinking lately. I was completely numb.

And now I'm lying down again.

When the first time I stepped into this room, in this piece of heaven where I easily succumb every long and tiring day, where I rant my angst, where I think of all the solemn moments I had, where I became me... I was like "Oh, this is it." This is the life that I wanted.

I've had everything in the palm of my hand -- I was responsible, I was dedicated, I was loved, I was on the top of the world. My nights won't end without at least 3 to 4 bottles of SML (I considered myself an alchoholic), smoking Marlboro like a fiend, hanging out at Starbucks, shopping at Divisoria and where my passion for spending led me to, bitching everywhere, and fucking my brains out. Money - I spent them like I am the mistress of Donald Trump. I was a GODDESS. I was all out that I'd likely forget about the four corners of my palace.

Until the bittersweet downfall. It was hard, it was so bad that I couldn't get up.

Now I dunno where to start.

My housemates started mocking me. I've lost some friends and never won them back. My bills are killing me and I've no one to turn to. I spoke to God, and sure he was busier than I thought. And then I went back here --- it was dirty, yeah but it was still the home sweet home that embraced me especially now that I'm alone. The sheets of my bed weren't replaced for weeks but the memories of the sexes I had and the nights where I let go of those tears were there. They're giving me something to ponder on as I laid back there --- giving me the peace of mind that I've been longing to, and the silence I badly need.

Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak
I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...

As this music filled up my head, let me shut my eyes for a while. This bedroom has made me found the piece of heaven I've been missing all my life.